Friday, June 3, 2011

Remaining Vague....

Advice for Brides and New Wives

Since June is wedding season.  Many are going to attend a wedding and hear about love, honestly and truthfulness in marriage.  So, I started thinking about my marriage of 13 years.  In October, husband and I will have been together 20 years (GASP!!!!)  This event should be commemorated with jewelry and copious amounts of alcohol.  And skipping the nostalgia, we better not consume the types of swill we had 20 years ago. 
I’m here to contend that honesty and truthfulness are not always the best approach.  I say REMAIN VAGUE.  Just don’t provide all the details about certain topics.  I’ve compiled a list.  I’m sure there are pages worth of examples.  These are just from the top of my head.
I Remain Vague about:
·         How and when the dents and dings appeared on my car
·         My age
·         My weight
·         The purpose of the myriad of lotions and tonics in the bathroom
·         The cost of my jeans
·         The cost of my shoes

·         The food we eat and how many vegetables it contains (I have to sneak them in much like putting medicine in the dog’s bowl)
·         My hair color and how much it costs
·         My confidence in his ability to fix things around the house
·         How I feel about his mother’s cooking
·         The contents of the Goodwill box (“I don’t think you’re favorite ugly shirt made it in there.  Must be in the laundry….”)
·         How much money I make teaching Jazzercise
·         Whether the pasta is “real” or whole wheat
·         How much I enjoy his dad’s “famous barbeque chicken”
·         The number of times I’ve truly considered leaving
·         Why I read romance novels

So Brides and new wives:  Consider the policy of vagueness.  Always keep 'em guessing.  It works – I swear it.

No comments:

Post a Comment