Friday, August 12, 2011

There is a water bottle conspiracy and it’s infiltrated our schools!

When did we as a society become obsessed with hydration?  Growing up, I don’t recall all the bottled water commercials and home filtration devices overmuch.  But somewhere between then and now, water consumption has become vastly important or at least en vogue.

I like bottled water.  I don’t often keep it in the house.  But I find, when I do, I drink much more of it.  The bottles are cold.  It’s very satisfying to knock back the entire bottle and then toss it into the trash.  As with most good satisfying things, it’s now totally un-PC to drink bottled water.  Apparently we’re all supposed to have a really cool looking water bottle with us at.all.times…..
The $3.50 water bottle

Bruce started first grade this week.  Among the myriad of supplies, he needed a water bottle.  A water bottle?  Students are permitted to sip water throughout the day at their desks.  What?  Not to sound all- “Back in my day we walked to school up hill both ways in the snow”-but when I was in school water wasn’t an issue.  You drank at lunch and occasionally from the water fountain.  Very few of us dehydrated.  And I think we received a decent education in spite of the lack of constantly drinking water. 
You can't make this stuff up!
According to information sent home on the first day, “hydrated children are more alert.”  Also on that pamphlet she says that there is a drinking fountain in the class room.  So let me get this straight.  In between activities and tasks the students can't even be bothered to get up and walk to the fountain and take a drink?
Here’s how I think it breaks down.  Somewhere – I don’t know where, but I will find it – there was a study sponsored by the major water bottle company about hydrated children being alert.  The schools read it and voila – the water bottle people have a whole new niche market.  It’s actually pretty brilliant.  Have you seen these?  The “cool” ones can cost upwards of $15!  That’s pure lunacy or marketing genius.  I’m not sure which. 
So now along with the backpack, folder, lunch and healthy snack that cannot include peanuts or cinnamon, I have to keep up with a water bottle on a daily basis.  Luckily Bruce doesn’t care what his water bottle looks like as long as he has one.  It didn’t even want to get out of the car to pick out his own backpack.  After I told him that it’s 107 outside and the car would get real hot real quick he acquiesced and decided to come in the store.  This year at least I get by with the $3.50 water bottle. 
So when you’re buying the $15 water bottle just know the water bottle conspiracy IS REAL!
With all this water consumption, I sure hope the teacher provides hall passes to the bathroom!


  1. Summer told me last year, she could barely get her work done because her class was always going to the bathroom.

  2. Hydration is becoming an issue because of all the things children consume today that are dehydrating, like more sugar, more flour and more dry snacks. If you eat fruit and vegetables (and not dehydrated / sugared / fried snacks) then you won't need to drink nearly as much water to remain hydrated.