All Consuming Blackness
The depression that followed was painful for all in my house. The blackness was smothering and hot, like covering up with a wool blanket in August. Not that I have firsthand knowledge, but from this experience I believe I know what drowning in quicksand might feel like. Heavy. Dark. Suffocating. Airless. The more you struggle and move, the deeper you slip into what may be an abyss. And then there’s the guilt. Women are supposed to be overjoyed with the news of pregnancy. I wasn’t. Not even a little bit. I did my best to feign excitement. Since most of my friends here are relatively new friends and don’t have years in the trenches with me, they may have actually bought my act. But and act was all it was.
I was thankful for Facebook. I had several friends from high school and college who were also pregnant. I’m truly thankful for Courtney, Brianna and Natalie. Between the three of them, I hoped they had enough pregnancy joy for me too.
|New baby Reed.|
Like I said, the usual way...
Laughing At Me
|This IS NOT the laughing at me face, |
but it's the closest I've gotten
to actually photographing it.
|6 day old Reed|
Now that he’s here I harbor no ill will toward him. He’s a baby after all. I like a guy with a sense of humor and material in his pocket ready to use. I question his time and place of delivery, but he’s only 5 months old. That’ll come age…
This is for you Reed, baby mine! I love you!