Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Screwdrivers! And I don’t mean vodka and orange juice…

Yesterday was my birthday/our 14 year anniversary.  We don’t go over the top for every gift giving opportunity.  Many we don’t acknowledge at all.  I do, however want some sort of recognition of December 19th 
On Sunday, Husband and Bruce venture out to get my present.  When they return, Bruce is sworn to secrecy.  He wants to tell me so so badly.  “It’s the best present ever!”  I’m honestly just hoping for maybe something from Bath and Body Works or the book written by the Casey Anthony prosecutor.
Earlier in the day I was putting batteries in a toy or something and I couldn’t find my teeny tiny screwdriver bought expressly for that purpose.  So I exclaim, “You know what I want?”  I want my own set of tools and no one is allowed to use!  That way I’ll always have a screwdriver when I need one.”  Fateful words, those were...
Monday comes and Bruce wants to give me my present.  I insist we wait until Husband comes home.  Later that afternoon he lets it slip that my present came from “The Tractor Store.”  In Bruce’s language that’s Lowe’s.  I get a horrible feeling.  What do I want from Lowe’s?  The odds of David installing that water feature I’ve always wanted are next to nil and it is winter and all. 
Finally the big reveal.  I received my very own tool box complete with screwdrivers, tape measure, hammer, the whole bit.  My reaction?  “Oh it’s a tool box!”  Husband asks, “Do you like it?”  Me stuttering and stammering, “Oh course I do!”  He even said, “You know how you’re always looking for an Allen wrench?”  What the hell?  Then he proudly put it on top of the washing machine and proclaimed, “This is MOM’S toolbox!”
Exhibit A

Exhibit B
My "own" tape measure

Ya know the song "If I Had a Hammer"
Well now I do! And an entire
set of Allen wrenches...

What are these things?
I was across at the neighbor’s later she said, “Why didn’t he call me?”  And, “Was he serious?”  Her husband couldn’t stop laughing and asked, “Did you want that?”  I just shook my head.
It was at that point I realized that Husband either hits a grand slam home run with a gift or it’s a complete swing and a miss from him.  After we first got married, our house phone broke.  So for Christmas I got a phone wrapped in newspaper.  I didn’t even try to hide my disdain.  I should have gotten him toilet paper.  “We were out of toilet paper so I got you some for Christmas.  AND it’s even triple-ply!”  To his defense I’ve received diamond earrings one year and a diamond and black pearl necklace another.  I got a wonderful watch for mother’s day once. 
Since we’ve hopefully got many more years of gift giving ahead of us, I’ll continue to work on my “present face”.  Now Ima see if I can put together an actual screwdriver.  Pass the OJ.

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