Yuletide carols being sung by – Justin Beiber???

The malls and grocery stores are piping it through every available speaker.  Some of the most beautiful music that exists, I believe, is Christmas music – The Messiah, The Nutcracker, O Holy Night, The Holly and the Ivy, etc.  They are a beautiful reminder of the birth of Christ. I mainly I listen to hymns but Christmas carols are fun too.  Wonderful Christmas music and come from unlikely places.  That’s why I like songs performed by contemporary artists, not just a chorus and a philharmonic.  Probably my absolute favorite Christmas album EVER is John Denver and the Muppets.  Sure it’s over 30 years old, but it’s fantastic!  It has all your favorites and several of the sweetest songs written just for the album.  Please check it out.

BUT, in the genre of Christmas music, you can find examples of songs that are truly TRULY hideous!  Just because you can make a Christmas album, doesn’t mean you SHOULD!  Many make me want to poke sharp objects into the bottoms of my feet.

Here’s my list of the WORST OF THE WORST.  In no particular order....

Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Christmas Eve Sarajevo

This group is Christmas on steroids - a festive montrosity, if you will. They feature few actual Christmas hymns or songs.  This group is a Leviathan draped in tinsel and ribbons.

Justin Bieber's- Under the Mistletoe.

Some of the lyrics read (paraphrasing) "The Wisemen followed the star like I follow my heart..."  Basically he's not partaking of holiday revelry because he's waiting under the mistletoe for that special someone - an act of true altruism, I'm sure.  This song is just bad... I'm throwing up in my mouth just a little.

The entire Christmas catalogue of Kenny G

From his Brillo Pad hair to that damn high saxophone, he must be stopped.  Thank goodness his star has fallen somewhat and we only have to hear from him at Christmastime.  It's like NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD!!!!!!



Alvin and the Chipmunks - Christmastime is Here

Because of my mention of the Muppets, I'm not against "characters" signing. But THIS SONG....  Nails on a chalkboard doesn't EVEN cover it.

Band-Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas

Even though I'm a Bono superfan, I acknowledge that this song is just plain bad.  It's admirable to get a bunch of stars together to record a song and raise millions for charity.  But the song is horrible - it has too many words, too many sleigh bells, it tries to impart too much knowledge about Africa.  It's been way overplayed.  But not to be outdone, the USA gave humanity "We Are the World" the next summer.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause

It is just me or is this song disturbing?   Either the child discovers that his dad is actually Santa Clause OR (even worse) that Santa and his mother are having an adulterous affair.  There's no way this story has a good ending.

Oak Ridge Boys - Hallelujah Chorus

There.are.not.words....

Honorable Mentions

• Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.  It the "go to" Christmas song for any occaision.  I disagree.  This song makes my ears bleed.
• Dr. Elmo - Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.  It was cute the firs 175 times you heard it.  Now it needs to go quietly away.
• The Carpenters - Merry Christmas, Darlin'.  This folksy and melancholy genre was never a favorite of mine and doesn't lend itself well to Christmas music.
• John Lennon - Happy Christmas, War is Over. Beatles enthusiasts can speak to this better than I, but Yoko seems to mess everything up
• Any version of Little Drummer Boy -  repetion of "Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum" 

Here's a favorite.  Many haven't heard it, but it's the sweetest song that captures the meaning of Christmas.

May your Christmas be like a "picture print by Currier and Ives" (another bad one)!