Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Airing of Grievances

As it has been brought to my attention that my blog has become stale, I’m going to freshen it up with a good ole rant of what’s bothering me now.  Seinfeld’s Frank Costanza had a great idea with his “Festivus” holiday which involved and airing of grievances.  Well I’ve got plenty…

·         My home reminds me of a Fraternity house.  The name would be Delta Iota Kappa (DIK).  Why?  Because I’ve got too many in my house.  I have 2 miniature testosterone neophytes being led by a “Grand PuBah.”  Oftentimes the DIK house is all consumed with burps, farts, smelly feet, dirt, trucks and light sabres.  No girls are allowed.

·         My oldest boy hates cheese.  That’s not normal.  It’s just weird and it makes cooking a challenge because everyone else in the house eats, in fact loves cheese.  He’ll eat a tiny octopus at the Chinese buffet, but a cube of cheddar….  He vomits….  He’ll only eat it on pizza.  He’s a nine year old hypocrite in my book…

·         Men/boys don’t like quiche.  When all you haven’t been to the store and all you have to eat is eggs, cheese and a piecrust….  They don’t like French onion soup either.

·         Boys turn ANYTHING into a gun.  Carrots, sticks, legos, drinking cups, even their little boy parts…  I’m growing weary of the shootouts that occur while riding in the car or eating dinner or while at church.  Reed:  I have a GUN (hand looks like a pistol)  Church Member:  There are no guns in church!!!  Reed pretends to shoot the stained glass.  We’re looking for a new church…

·         My legs are so white that the other day someone said to someone else “Anne must be wearing tights because, whose legs are that white…”  Couple of points here:  First, I would NEVER wear white tights.  EVER.  Secondly, yes my legs are that white.  Just learned that I have vitiligo, so I’m getting even whiter.  I may even be mistaken for a corpse soon. 

·         The other day I chose to play in a volley ball game to show what a team player and “joiner” I am.  Although I consider team player and joiner to be attributes of mine, definitely NOT when it comes to volleyball.  My volleyball skills peaked in 7th grade athletics when I never successfully served the ball over the net.  I guess you could consider it a good thing that in 25 years my skills have not regressed.  See, I never even got close to hitting the ball over the net.  Sucking at all sports related things still stings – even as an adult.  A person who chose not play even remarked about how awful I was.  Really?  REALLY????  I quickly asked her if she’d like to settle this on the volleyball court.  No, I didn’t.  But I should have.  I know I’d be better than her at least!

·         Husband is going to Florida for two weeks where it is 75 degrees, while we suffer in the cold, wet and gray that is the GTSA in the winter.

·         The mom guilt I feel when the little one doesn’t want to get up in the morning.  When he hasn’t had enough sleep and I see the dark circles under his eyes.  The odd pang in my gut I get when big brother asks why he has to go to after care every day.  Me working is much better than me not working.  But motherhood is like flogging yourself a little bit each day, isn’t it. 

·         And finally – It all comes down to this….  WHY WON’T MY HOUSE SELL?!?!?!?  It makes no sense.  All other houses in the neighborhood sell quickly.  But not Anne’s.  It’s been on the market for some 230 days.  I think it’s a lovely home.  When we bought the house, I didn’t think we were buying something no one would ever want again.  Now I feel like we’re just waiting for some dolt to come along.  Even the “weird house” down the street sold.  You know, every neighborhood has a weird house.  This house has a tiny finished basement.  It’s the type of creepy room where you would hide the children you’ve forced into white slavery.  But it’s got new owners coming…  I drive all over the county prior to 8 am in order to get kids and me to school on time has become tedious and frustrating. 

And I could go on…


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