Post Mother’s Day Confession

I’ve REALLY been needing to blog lately.  The time has escaped me.  I felt guilty posting this yesterday, on Mother’s Day.  But today is another day – thank goodness.  Here’s the confession – I love my boys every day, but lately I don’t like them.  Hardly.at.all….  There I said it.  Judge me if you will, but you know you’ve been there.  Right now I’m praying for a full time job for scores of reasons, but among them is that I would have childcare during the day and perhaps, PERHAPS I might enjoy them a bit more during the time I had with them.

CONFESSION #1

Here’s how it breaks down.  The 7 year old is all smart mouth, toilet humor and fart noises – constantly.  I know, I know, that’s just males as a gender.  Seven year olds are prone to this behavior especially.  This I know.  But as Husband can attest I’ve never thought this was funny-EVER- and it just ticks me off, frankly that I can’t make him stop.  Don’t get me started about his father goading him on.  I guess in some (most) ways I was born older. 

That little one…. Oh my that little one…  I’m fairly certain he’s either plotting to kill me or to see that I end up at Moccasin Bend (the local mental hospital).  While awake he has two settings.  Those settings are whine and cry.  Save from the rare occurrences when he gives me a wolfish grin and then kisses me and says, “Mama.” It’s probably part of his master plan.   Speaking candidly, I prefer cry.  Whining is worse than nails on a chalkboard.  I can block out the crying.  But the whining...  Paging Moccasin Bend…..  And to top it all off, he hits me.  He hits his brother he hits the dogs.  Big brother runs in the other direction if he comes vaguely in his direction with a toy.  “Reed’s gonna clobber me!  Helllllpppp!!!!”  I feel the same way.  I feel the same way...

CONFESSION #2

I have a favorite child.  Yep.  I said it.  I sure as heck do.  But here’s the thing – it changes constantly.  Lately the favorite is who’s irritating me the least.  I’ll admit that is Mr. Fart Noises.  Why?  Elementary!  He’s in (Elementary) school until 2:45.  Ergo I have to endure the crudity for a short while in the morning and from about 3 o’clock on.  The whining is non-stop.  NON-STOP!  Even husband asked on Mother’s Day, “Does he do this all the time?  How do you deal with it?” 

What am I gonna do about it?  No idea.  Right now I intend to drink some wine and basque in the quiet that exists only when two boys are ostensibly sleeping and husband is out of town.  Night…

Snips and Snail and Puppy Dog Tails – Little Boys

Somewhere along the way, me, this biggest girly girl-high maintenance-border line diva, became and expert on little boys.  Go figure.  Today, both of them were acting especially “boyish.”  I began to think about family, friends and others who just got a boy, are about to have a boy or have a 50-50 shot at a boy. 

BOY - gets wrapped in cords,
doesn't care how to free himself

Here’s a list – in no particular order, not in any way comprehensive of what I know about boys…

·         New shoes make a boy run “real, real real” fast!  Upon the purchase of new shoes, expect a demonstration of just how fast the new shoes allow the boy to run.

·         A cape, and on occasion wings, with 100% certainty allow a boy to fly.  Be prepared to catch or break a fall from some odd places.

·         No matter how hard you try, or what soap you use, you CANNOT wash off “little boy smell.”  It’s an odor that is a muddle of rust, dirt, sweat and faint tones of soap.  Thank God for it, too. (Thanks, Kerri Case for reminding me)

·         You know a little boy has had a good day playing outside when, at the end of the day, he hurts himself and cries.  His face is so dirty that tears leave stripes through the dirt on his face. 

BOY - Will catch snakes!

·         He’ll catch bugs, and (heaven help) a snake.  He’ll want to you be proud.  He’ll want you to touch it. 

·         Why walk somewhere when you can run! (Preferably in his new shoes)

·         Somehow, little boys are born knowing how to make noises that are spot on to trucks, cars, missiles, torpedoes and motorcycles.

·         Little boys are also born with a fascination about guns.  Without specific knowledge of what a gun looks like or how one works, he will make a gun out of his hand, legos, trucks, blocks, stuffed animals – anything.

BOY - Will show you his muscles and
make you draw on fake tattoos

·         He might not be able to do math or read proficiently (sample math problem:  Count on 5 from 3) but he can tell you’re the names and model years of tractors, cars and airplanes.

·         You won’t be able to convince him to potty train – that is until he learns he can go outside.

·         Socks might as well be disposable.

·         Little boys love their mamas! 

Don’t wait to make your son a great man – make him a great boy!                -Unknown